The Inseide Dope, by Bob Seidenstein

BobSeidensteinDrawing

It takes a half village (at least) …

Americans love statistics. And even worse, they believe them. Someone’s looking for a book to read. What to do? He could go in the library and skim a few books till he finds one that grabs him. But that’d take some time and effort. So he’ll check out the Times Best Seller list, ...

What a pal we have in Paladin

Last week’s column about the cowboy movies and TV shows of my youth got more responses than I could’ve predicted. Some mentioned details I’d long forgotten. For example, Jen Zahn said she’d never forgotten how Roy Rogers would sprint full-bore at Trigger from his back and then vault ...

Bob Seidenstein rockin' some western wear.
(Enterprise photo — Brittany Proulx)

West is best

Like every kid who grew up in the ’50s I was raised on a two-part diet of processed food and cowboy movies. The food was nutritionally deficient, but miraculous. In other words, it’s a miracle any of us came of age with healthy brain cells and without pellagra, anemia and rickets. ...

Team D and D

I’m in my office (Lakeview Deli, to those who don’t know) getting ready to write this week’s Pulitzer Prize winner. I take a quick inventory Pencils? Check. Pencil sharpener? Check. Legal tab? Check. Erasers? Check. I ...

The power of prayer … and presence

The irony of winter sports: When the weather’s great for skiing, it’s lousy for skating, and vice versa. And last week when it rained and then froze, it was great for skating. Which was fine with me since I don’t ski but I do skate — in a manner of speaking. Like everyone ...

A tiresome tale

For 35 years or so, I drove only Volkswagen Beetles. It was a decision based less on self-image or customer loyalty, so much as good old common sense. They were cheap to buy and maintain, they were dependable, and they handled well. Beyond that, their malfunctions were easy to ...

Between a rock and a hard place

What follows is a tale of stones: one figurative, one literal. The figurative stone was a stone face. The literal one was a stone turd. Now some clarification. Everyone knows what stone-faced means. Maybe your image of a stone face is different from mine, but we both have an essential ...

When fiction becomes fact

It’s a rare occasion when I get written feedback on my columns, so imagine my surprise at getting a half-dozen emails about last week’s column. If you missed it, it was about ecumenicism at either its best or worst. You decide. The column involved three people. One was my mother. ...

Saints alive!

A lot of people believe in superstitions. Many others don’t believe in them but find them charming in an old-timey way, much like monocles, whale-bone corsets and horse-drawn sleighs — you know, those quaint icons of the Good Old Days none of us ever had to actually live in. Still others ...

Failure of the The Big Bang Theory

Of all 16-year-old guys in My Home Town, I was unique. Was I extraordinary as a scholar? Nope. An athlete? Fergit it. A party animal? Well, I might have been ... if I’d been invited to one. No, what set me apart was this: I was the only 1960’s teenage male who, while ...

Winners all

With winter now fully upon us, I suddenly thought of something that happened almost 60 years ago but is as vivid to me as if it took place yesterday. It was the snowshoe race in the Winter Carnival of 1959. I was 12 and in a magical place in life: I had an unlimited imagination but almost ...

Only Stardust in the wind

Earlier this week I had a chat with Ralphie Stardust. Actually, I had a listen to with Ralphie, since he himself never listens. Or more exactly he never listens to anything concerning what we fondly call “the material world.” Ralphie’s not rude or inconsiderate — quite the ...

2 Cool 4 School  
(Enterprise photo — Brittany Proulx)

No pique at Eye Peek

Last week I wrote about an epic shopping misadventure of mine. I bought a pair of expensive sunglasses that delaminated (through no fault of yours truly) but the company wouldn’t make good on their guarantee to replace them. In case you didn’t read the column (and ...

A shady deal

When my brother first came home from college on his Thanksgiving vacation, he’d become worldly beyond his years. He was no longer the rube he’d been a mere three months before. He’d discovered Bob Dylan, Eastern religions, sleazy bars, Swedish movies and exotic foods like oysters. ...

The rest of the story (nose rest, that is)

Until I was 60, I was blessed with perfect vision. After that, my eyesight — like everything else — hit the skids. The long and short of it (or if you prefer, the near and far of it) was I had to get bifocals. I went to Eye Care for the Adirondacks and got my exam and prescription. That ...

Into the void

In Shakespeare's time, people believed in ghosts. To them, a ghost was the spirit of a dead person who, for one reason or other, needed help from a living person so his or her soul could be at peace. That was the case with Hamlet's father's ghost.His ghost had a mighty good reason to be ...

Two hours before the mast

Last week, my sis-in-law cleaned out the attic of Ye Olde Family Manse and in the process ran across my boot camp yearbook, which she then gave me.Lordy lord, my boot camp yearbook, which I hadn't seen since - you guessed it - boot camp.I opened it, and the memories came flooding back.There we ...

When I went to the dogs … and vice versa

When I'm walking my dogs, people inevitably ask me how I ended up with three of them.It's a great question.How, indeed?The answer, I believe, is among Life's Unanswerables.A relative sample:"How did I ever co-sign a loan for that putz?""How did I think the Gonif Supplement Plan was anything but ...

Trials and tribulations

The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but he ain't the only one: The commissioner of jurors can give him a good run for his money any old day.Jury duty is every citizen's obligation, and as such, it's supposed to be assigned equably, with each citizen getting summoned every two or three years. ...

Sock it to me

While hardly the most ambitious of lads, throughout my life I have managed to set a bunch of goals and achieve most of them. However, one that has always eluded me is being able to wear shorts during the winter.Before I go any further, I'll answer your question: No, I don't know why I want to ...