For the past half-century I’ve owned cars, all of them used, some of them very used. As a result, I’ve learned two things. One is patience. Used cars are not new cars. As a result, things will go wrong with them, if not off the bat then a lot sooner than with a new car (unless the new ...

From my vast and objective study of the professions, I’ve concluded the least funny are doctors. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that they can’t have wit, humor, or senses of irony. They can. And some do. But when it comes to thems what can dish out the rib-tickling, side-splitting, ...

It was summer 1968, and Bernie Branch was riding high, wide and handsome, literally, in his ’55 Cadillac hearse. Bernie was the lead guitarist of The Mad Men, a good local rock band who played all over the North Country. Of course, lots of good bands played around the area, but only one ...

There was a time I paid very close attention to politics. I read the New York Times cover-to-cover, daily and religiously. I studied every new development, every new candidate, every new promise, and almost simultaneously, every new lie that came with them. As a teacher I ...

It’s only fitting, so to speak, that the quintessential American garment, the sweatshirt, is an American invention. The idea was thunked up in 1926 by a fellow named Benjamin Russel Jr., who played football for the University of Alabama. He couldn’t hack the itchy wool jerseys players ...

On Monday, when I opened an email from Joe Spadaro saying he had a great idea for my column, my finger was poised over the “delete” button before I knew it. It’s not that I don’t like Joe or respect his opinion. It’s just that I can almost never relate to what other people think ...

Last week I wrote about my experience at my first Friends of the Library sale, which also happened to be the Friends first sale, back in the summer of ‘55. I told about a little kiddies’ amusement section they’d set up behind the library and its two main attractions. One was a penny ...

My introduction to illegal activities in Saranac Lake’s happened in the summer of 1955, when I was eight. The agents of my corruption were the Friends of the Library. Yes, you read that right — the Friends of the Library. Indeed, it was those old babes with the blue hair and cat-eye ...

When I drove to Pisgah last Thursday for Jack Lawless’s celebration of life, I did so with trepidation. It had nothing to do with Jack himself. He’d led a long fruitful life, died at the tender age of 85, and as far as I knew, never had an enemy to his name. So what was the ...

I was blessed by a public school education that exposed me to a lot of poetry. I can’t remember if we read any in early grade school, but certainly in Miss Pattinson’s sixth grade class we read our fair share. I specifically remember reading “Excelsior” by Longfellow, because before ...

I started running at 22 and quit 45 years later, but not because I wanted to. I had a hip replacement and couldn’t run anymore. Actually, strictly speaking I could run. But my orthopod Dan Bullock told me it wasn’t a good idea, since it could wear out the replacement. When my hip went ...

“I’m returning the rental car now,” my brother said. “So I need you to bring me back.” “OK,” I said, trying to sound neutral. This conversation took place last week in Vienna – Virginia, not Austria. My extended family was there for my great-niece’s Bas Mitzvah, ...

Last week I wrote about the Teen Canteen and claimed my Canteen “career” was unique. I still think that’s true, and until someone refutes it, I’ll stick by my guns. The Canteen was essentially our youth center from the ’40s to the late ’60s. It was held in the town hall ...

The word “adulation,” meaning excessive admiration, is fairly common. The word “adultation,” meaning excessive desire to be a grown-up, isn’t just rare — it’s unique. In fact, it’s only been recorded once, in today’s column. Of course, that’s because I just made it ...

With rare exceptions, the only music I listen to, or even care to listen to, is rock and R&B from the mid-’50s to mid-’70s. This is due to imprinting at its finest, and I remember the moment perfectly. It was fall 1958, I was 11 years old and in seventh grade. Ah ...

If I ever have to divide humankind into two categories, it’d be those who can do math, and those who can’t. And just FYI, I can’t. Something else I can’t do is deal with government forms of any ilk. In fact, whenever faced with one, I go darn near cataleptic. And this is why I ...

It was late April 1967, after a very long, very hard Old Time Winter. Now a note of enlightenment: I’ve been hearing all around town about what a long hard winter we just had. Hate to be the one to tell ya, but we didn’t. First, it wasn’t hard. We didn’t have a lot ...

I have always been fascinated by words, in any form: puns, anagrams, palindromes, rhymes, rhythms and especially word origins. The only word activity I don’t like is crossword puzzles, since they’re either too easy or too hard, and each is as frustrating as the other. Lots of people are ...

While most performers have a lot in common with each other, magicians are in a class of their own. Let’s say you’re a vocalist giving a recital and you hit the wrong note. If your audience notices, it’s no big deal. They’ll give you a pass, and you’re still a singer. Or how ...

People complain that our national politicians are a bunch of self-righteous thieves who aren’t responsive to the people, but I disagree. Sure, they are self-righteous thieves, but they’re also responsive to the people — especially if “the people” are lobbies, corporations and ...