In my column two weeks ago, I wrote about my God-given talent of losing everything either not stashed in my safety deposit box or pop-riveted to my dupa. So now let me present the latest episode of The Great Lost Dope Chronicles. It stars my iPad, which vanished in the time between when I ...

According to the English poet Alexander Pope, “A little learning is a dangerous thing.” But I’ll add a corollary, namely that a lot of learning can be even more dangerous. I know that doesn’t sound right, but bear with me, willya? A perfect example was a barfly who haunted the ...

One sad truth of my life is I lost stuff all the time when I was a kid; I keep losing stuff, and as sure as decaf ain’t worth squat, I’ll continue to lose stuff till the cows come home. My inability to keep track of my things (or if you prefer, my ability to lose almost everything) is ...

“The Merry Month of May” was the title of a poem written by someone named Thomas Dekker in 1599. I don’t know what May 1599 was like for Good Old Tom, but for me in 2025 it was anything but merry. Looking back, I see it as grey, cold, rainy, and about as merry as a five-mile funeral ...

I wish the Crown Prince of Cardiology, Terrible Tony Tramontano, would bug the DOT about their salt use as much as he does me about mine. Not only would it be better for our ecosystem, but at the same time, it might loosen the stranglehold of the Northern Mailbox Cartel. If you live by an ...

I’ve been in a bunch of casinos, literally from Las Vegas to Kathmandu, and I haven’t lost a nickel in any of them. Know why? I don’t gamble. My reason be summed up by an old adage I heard as a callow youth. It was: If you don’t wanna lose in Las Vegas, as soon as ...