When I was struggling with various growth stages my child was experiencing, I thought they were never going to get out of it. We were going to live in a perpetual circle of sleeplessness and crankiness. There are many parenting witticisms that we, experienced parents, grandparents, caregivers, friends, and even strangers, bestow upon those people with younger children. The often unwarranted advice is given freely and with the best of intentions. I know I’ve often gifted new parents with my wealth of knowledge, whether they asked for it or not. It seems like second nature. I want to share what I know to make things easier for the next person. Helpful advice on how to raise a child shouldn’t be a secret society. It also doesn’t need to be thoughtless and snarky.

We need to make things easier on people. Being a new parent is difficult. If parents are lucky, they have a supportive extended system, but many people are going along this parenting road alone. For me, it was a bit of both. I received a lot of advice, had a wonderful support system, but at times I still felt I was a failure.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but one of the least helpful bits of advice given was how fast my kids were going to grow up and out of whatever stage they were currently experiencing. The same person quickly followed up with “enjoy it while you can.” Without fail, my kid would be in the middle of an epic temper tantrum, or I would have suffered a sleepless night while some stranger reminisced on the “good ol’ days”. Were temper tantrums better back in the day or were parents less frazzled in that utopian universe? No. It is selective memory.

I try not to parrot back a similar turn of phrase to other parents. The intent may be pure, but it can be perceived as condescending, hoping to let parents know that the child will soon grow out of this current stage. We want to encouraging parents to be patient during the challenging times and cherish the good ones. We are also looking at it from a filter that has sifted out the struggles.

It is okay to acknowledge both situations at the same time. We can be a person who wishes our child could zoom through a troublesome stage while looking back thinking that stage was over in the blink of an eye. I wish you all patience and kindness as you face your current challenges.