Parents have been spoiling me with questions about what they can do to make sure they are not spoiling their child.

Well, let me not be selfish and lavish you with some information on this topic.

While you can never really spoil an infant with too much love and attention, as your infant moves into toddlerhood, trying to get them to behave by showering them with gifts or giving in to something they want to avoid tantrums is not the way to go.

In fact, doing so may prevent your child from feeling a sense of accomplishment as they figure out how to problem solve on their own. If you want to avoid unintentionally creating a spoiled toddler, I have some suggestions.

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Some best practices from Dr. First

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¯ Make rules and consequences clear and simple even if a tantrum ensues.

¯ Consistency is key. Do not give in to begging, whining, or pleading.

¯ Be firm about your limits but do so with love and compassion such as by saying, “I know you’re sad we can’t get that toy you wanted, but there are other things we can do together to have just as much fun.”

¯ A great idea is to allow your child to help you by doing age-appropriate chores, so they gain a sense of responsibility and do not expect everything to be done for them. Having toddlers help to set the table shows that it is not just about them, but about others too.

¯ Don’t give your child a million chances to do the right thing once you’ve threatened consequences or they will simply manipulate you and others to get their way.

¯ Don’t be afraid to disappoint your child even though your child may be sad. Learning to accept disappointment at a young age will enable your child to develop coping skills that will help them deal with larger emotional stressors as they get older.

¯ Don’t offer a treat either to get your child to do something. Instead, simply praise your child when they do what you ask them to do rather than call attention to what they aren’t doing.

¯ If your toddler has been doing the right thing and behaving as you would like them to, and then makes a request, giving in to that request in the setting of good behavior is appropriate. In fact, rewarding your child for the right reasons and not just because they want something, is the secret to unspoiling a child.

Hopefully, tips like these will do anything but spoil your understanding of what you can do so as not to spoil your toddler or young child.

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Lewis First, MD, is Chief of Pediatrics at The University of Vermont Children’s Hospital and Chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont’s Larner College of Medicine. You can also catch “First with Kids” weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and NBC5.