Years ago, during my carpool days, I drove my children and their friends to numerous activities. Since most children don’t have a filter and think they’re in a self-driving car, I could overhear conversations. I wouldn’t interject my opinion unless the conversation veered from reality into complete fantasy or disparaging comments were made.

It was my own little bubble where I could delve into the working (or non-working) minds of pre-teens. It was a fascinating time. One conversation stands out when I did decide to jar them out of their taxicab mindset concerned a love/hate relationship with learning. Yes, they all looked shocked when a voice appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

The discussion centered around the need to take certain classes. The kids hated this class and didn’t understand why another class was required. It was an onslaught of remarks based on gut reactions. We’ve all been there. We’ve all stood in their shoes, not understanding why we are required to do something. These adolescents knew so much more than their adult counterparts. They commented on how little parents and teachers know. I didn’t bother to comment. That wasn’t a battle I felt needed winning. Kids don’t think parents know anything, right? One van ride to a game wasn’t going to change their opinion.

However, the one point I did want to make is that it isn’t enough to focus on their strengths. They need to figure out their weaknesses. It isn’t enough to only do what they want but to figure out what they don’t want to do. They were all complaining about taking a foreign language. (I was surprised it wasn’t about my math teacher husband.) They didn’t think they would ever use this other language. They didn’t like it or understand it. It all came down to having to do something that required a bit more effort. It came down to figuring out that they weren’t going to be good at everything.

Elementary School fills all the basic requirements, but students are usually learning the same things. I’m not talking about addressing any educational issues. That is another column. Most schools don’t begin focusing or offering options for study until junior high. There the road starts dividing into a journey of exploration.

We wanted our children to attempt as many sports as possible. We wanted our children to explore the arts, be uncomfortable while trying out for theatre roles, and gain confidence through music and dance. We wanted them to learn by exploring new things, not just stick with what made them safe. I’m not sure if any of my words resonated with that group of pre-teens, but they did leave the car muttering something about learning what they don’t want to do. No matter the age, the philosophy can always be applied. I hope we can all weed out what we don’t want to do.