There is no question today regarding what we (you and I) are against. It plays out on social media, on cable news, on the streets and in the workplace. We feel the anger and disbelief at Little League games, in our music, at the water cooler and on college campuses. This is what we are against, and this is how we unify and approach our daily lives. If you don’t agree with me, then you are not just contrary — you are the enemy. It is what we have become, and it is counterintuitive to the democracy that was built in 1776.

The pillars of the democratic process are talking, listening, and finding common ground. Debate is healthy; it provides a platform for ideas and beliefs while at the same time opening a door to compromise. Talk, however, without the desire and discipline to listen, is nothing more than soapboxing. Social media is soapboxing without any desire to listen. Polarized talking heads on every television station are soapboxing without any desire to find common ground. Government representatives who only follow the directives of the party are soapboxing without any desire to truly govern. And voting strictly on partisan lines relegates the responsibility of voting to nothing more than rubberstamping a closed-loop process without listening to opposite views and concerns.

Unless we return to talking and listening and a willingness to compromise, we are doomed as a democracy. No one is willing to admit that there is another side to various issues, no one is willing to admit that, in any instance, they might be wrong, and no one is willing to not just hear the other side, but to listen to them. We are a society wrapped up in effects without trying to understand any underlying cause. We are quick to point the finger and far less willing to take responsibility. There is no middle ground anymore — my way, or the highway, rules the day.

When the House of Representatives walks away from its responsibility to talk and listen, when they leave their place of work without any clear intent to return, when they refuse to hold town halls and listen to their constituents, then we have a serious problem. When the other side invests all their time demeaning those who think differently without trying to understand why they are where they are, then we have a serious problem. When both sides, entrenched in their intent, are willing to let people go without food or healthcare in the wealthiest country in the world, then we have a serious problem. When education is an afterthought in a country that should be ranked in the top 10%, then we have a serious problem. And when trust in our institutions: science, education, medicine, law and order, and government is at an all-time low, then we have a serious problem. Each of these problems and many others is due to an unwillingness to talk, listen and find common ground.

So, what’s the answer? Honestly, I don’t know, nor does anyone else, but I do know where we can start. Since the 1500s, taverns and early restaurants have been a place where people gathered to talk, listen and debate. It was this debate in taverns of the 1700s that brought about the Boston Tea Party, the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. It has always been the restaurants and taverns of the world that provided the first hope of renewal after tragedy. After wars, economic collapse, political upheaval and natural disasters, it has always been restaurants that rise from the ashes, providing hope and promise. People need to gather, break bread, raise a glass, express themselves, listen to other points of view and rally behind common beliefs.

“From before the United States’ founding, its tradition of exchanging political ideas and debating over a drink has provided an opportunity for people to gather and put a face to the thoughts of the day. Throughout the tumultuous history of the United States, taverns, saloons and bars have provided a convivial atmosphere to drink and have a friendly discussion about the issues of the day. Although political issues have always been contentious, taverns have provided a neutral space. We hope that these Drinks & Discussion events will provide an opportunity to carry on this tradition that dates back to the founding of this country and before.” — From North Shore Distillery’s website in Green Oaks, Illinois.

Restaurants and taverns rarely plan for this to happen; it is simply organic. We need places where we can come together and find something that we can agree on as a starting point. Often, it has been a great plate of food, a mug of beer or a glass of wine that serves as a catalyst. These tools of listening provide the platform for compromise. This is why government state dinners are so important, and neighborhood restaurants serve as the heartbeat of a community.

Maybe, just maybe, if restaurants could promote a “safe place” for debate and all-important “listening,” without taking sides, then neighbors might find it in their heart to come to the table again. Maybe if we talk, listen and agree to consider common ground, then partisanship will become a springboard for compromise and understanding. Then we can support our favorite sporting team without hating those who don’t. Maybe then we can start to look for the cause of people’s beliefs and begin to separate fact from fiction. Maybe then, we can view television talking heads as the entertainers they are and not the harbingers of fact and truth. Maybe then, we can come back together to save the democracy that we and our forefathers worked so hard to create and defend.

Maybe it’s a good start.

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Paul Sorgule lives in Saranac Lake.