Last Aug. 28, at the “Ready-For-School” event in the Middle School, I overheard one SLCSD teacher say to another: “China’s technology beats ours because we haven’t embraced the metric system.”

I know both teachers, but did not say anything. I will here instead: Right now, as you read this, there is a parking lot of American-made cars on the moon. OK, it’s just three cars. One hundred percent USA-made, no foreign parts. Zero emission, 4-wheel drive, off-road, two-seat roadsters. By the 1970s, moon landings bored the American public. Been there, done that. The last astronauts brought their golf clubs. Literally. They took these “moon buggies” off-roading … catching some “air” on the airless moon. Gene Cernan (Apollo 17) had the first fender-bender (broken fender technically) on another world. He also did the first act of lunar vandalism. Shazbot. Houston was not amused.

All this with gallons per minute, feet, yards, miles per hour, Fahrenheit, etc. Americans like Charles Low, Theodore Von Karman, Abe Silverstein, Joshua Lederberg, Judith Love Cohen (Jack Black’s mom), and others broke new ground in uncharted territory to engineer the early NASA machines. Imperial or Metric system be damned.

Werner Von Braun held back Alan Shepard’s flight and allowed the USSR to put the first man in space, even though Alan and the USA were ready to go before the Russians.

At this moment, two USA-made starships, yes, starships, are on their way to visit different solar systems. They are the first and only man-made devices to be in interstellar space (so far, but stay tuned). Launched in 1977, the Voyagers are made with early 1970s all-American technology. Slow, primitive, but still working. Crude? Yep. Just like the first digital computers 80 years ago. Voyager is still transmitting back to Earth data from interstellar space today. On top of that, two additional early 1970s American-made Pioneer probes (still in the solar system but unfortunately dead) are heading to their target stars. That’s four starships on their way to four different stellar places. Nanu, Nanu. We’re from America.

No other nation has slept on the moon (stop snoring!) and returned safely. China will eventually. They now have the benefit of all the research, questions answered and hard work done by the only nation that walked there many times. Is the moon made of green cheese? Will the lander sink like quicksand? Will the radiation kill people? Will spaceflight make people go insane? Will extra potassium in the diet make the astronauts fart a lot (Apollo 16)? How do I pee and poop? Today, China has access to advanced metals, fuels, other materials, computers and engineering that did not exist in the 1960s. China will land there one day. As they say in Japanese: Mazel Tov! Welcome to the club. It’s more impressive than the HA-HA.

We achieved this (and lots more) generations ago. Imperial measurements, mostly, not the metric system. Our own stubborn way.

Saying kilo-meters and kilo-grams will restore our slipping technological leadership is like worrying about the icing on a cake when the cake itself is crap. Creativity, curiosity, merit-based achievement, and hard work made our technological advances possible. What ruler and measuring cup are used is irrelevant. I don’t need ancient Greek to read Plato’s “Republic.” I don’t need to understand Hebrew to absorb the Old Testament. I don’t need “New English” to appreciate “Things Fall Apart.”

In the army (2012), my boss’s boss would assign us officers an army-related book report due every month. This colonel was trying to get his general’s star and needed to show “mentoring” on his annual evaluation. All he cared about was the correct Army font, indentation and putting the Army logo in the exact right spot on the page in Microsoft Word. Nothing about content. Just margins, line spacing, and icing on the cake. I would insert comments like “The Army’s use of CRM-114 type radios is a risk” and “Returning to Kurosawa’s 7-man unit tactics is essential” in my book reports just for kicks. Not a word about my unorthodox content from anyone. One day, this colonel had us all in a meeting. Each of us had to stand up one at a time and give ideas to improve the unit. Speak freely, he said. A disruptive, probably ADHD, annoyed-to-be-there captain should never be told to “speak freely” in front of his peers and a full-bird infantry colonel. At my turn, I said (exact quote) “Well, sir, I can give you the politically correct version or the Article-15 version. Which would you like?” Article 15 is a form of punishment. Guess which one he picked? I said (word for word), “Take the book reports you assign. Does anyone actually read them? Does the size of the borders on the page matter compared to the thoughts behind the ink? I wouldn’t give a rat’s a** if written in Egyptian hieroglyphics with crayon by muddy feet while drunk if the content was brilliant …”

I must have forgotten about Mao’s 100 Flowers Scam. Yeah, I got an earful after that little soliloquy. That’s okay, I was used to it.

I personally know a Saranac Lake Middle School student who doesn’t recognize a nickel, dime or quarter coin. She has a grade point average of 90-plus. When America loses its technological supremacy (we will soon), China will not allow us to steal their technology, as we have allowed them to steal ours for 40 years. They execute foreigners now. Just ask Canada.

What tape measure you use is irrelevant. Facts-based analytical thinking is what matters. Using the metric system doesn’t substitute for curiosity, digging deep, and original creativity in our schools. Worry less about what bathroom to use, pronouns to say, or which protest march is in fashion this year. Worry about NYS school standards lowered in 2023 … yet again …

Just a thought … and … Go! Johnny, Go!

——

Ira Weinberg lives in Saranac Lake.