Are you happy? I don’t mean just content, but actually happy. It’s an interesting question we ask ourselves from time to time.

So, how do I define happiness? I see contentment as everything being copacetic, quite even, in balance, with no highs and no lows. Maybe “totally” in balance. Happiness is more. There’s some exuberance attached to the emotion.

Next we need to consider what makes us “happy.” That’s certainly an individual matter. Happiness can be as fleeting as the feeling I get when I see a rainbow. Or longer as the feeling I experienced at the birth of my babies. That feeling fills and exudes from my soul. I might say that happiness is “soul deep.”

Some people focus on identifying what it is that makes them happy. Is it an amount of money, a particular position, a certain material object, having what someone else has, even a special person? But can anyone or anything actually make us truly happy?

As a young person, I remember wanting to make my mom happy; she didn’t smile much. Life was difficult. So I would make her things or pick her flowers, trying to see that brightness I knew she had within her. I continued that practice even after I married and began my family. But my mom didn’t really change. She always told me, “You shouldn’t have done that.” She never seemed happy about the gifts I would bring her. Instead, she would take on an air of sadness. It was like she didn’t feel she deserved any gifts. Her reaction made me feel guilty that I had even made something for her, no less traveled to bring it to her. My anticipation and excitement at the thought of giving her something instantly fizzled and I came away feeling heavy laden with sadness. Time and time again. But I persisted, hoping that, eventually, I would see her face brighten with joy. Yet, I never did. Life had saddened her; life had taken away her smile; life had taken away her happiness. Or was it her own outlook on her life?

Our outlook and perspective have a lot to do with how “happy” we feel. Happiness comes from within and is held within us. It takes up residence there and radiates to all around us. Is our cup half-empty or is it half-full? We can maintain a sense of happiness even in the midst of turmoil if our cup remains half-full. It has been said the poorest of people sometimes are the happiest. And it’s not because they have a lot of money or the perfect job. So, why is it? Where does their happiness come from?

Material things cannot bring happiness, but it may take us years to realize that. Material things are here today and gone tomorrow. Yet we keep buying … and buying … and buying. And … searching … and searching … and searching.

Whatever is happening in my life, I find that taking a walk in the forest modifies the extremes of emotions for me, both highs and lows. If I’m experiencing immense joy, it becomes sincere happiness. If I’m experiencing deep sadness or undue stress, it is uplifted to a level I can handle. I experience a calming and quieting of extreme emotions. That, in itself, is of supreme importance to me. It allows me time to think, to reason, and I feel a step closer to feeling happy again.

A truly happy person still experiences sadness and grief and horror and loss but it will be more temporary. Their inner happiness will, in time, allow them to see positives in the trauma that has happened to them. A grieving person can still laugh at a joke or see the irony in a situation. Insight is a blessing at those times as we seek to understand what’s going on around us. And understand we will, but it will take time. Sometimes, it takes years …

During a particularly down time in my life, it was recommended I write down ten qualities I liked about myself. These qualities ranged from my smile to my sincerity to the color of my hair. I listed these on an index card and posted the card on my bedroom mirror. Each time I looked in that mirror, I recited the list. Over time, I felt a boost to my self-image. It was a fine way to begin seeing myself in a more positive light. I actually added another ten qualities to the original. It seemed that as I recognized positive qualities about myself, even more became evident to me. And that boost remains with me to this day. I not only identified the positives but I began to really believe them.

So, again, I ask you. Are you truly happy? Do you want to be? It’s your “choice.” Every day, we choose our perspective. We can begin each day by being thankful for what we have, the people in our life, and recognizing all the positives surrounding us. If we begin a list of positives, I think we’ll find the list snowballs. As we begin to list things, more and more will come to mind. Positive thoughts breed more positive thoughts. I have found the opposite to also be true. Negatives breed more negative.

So, let’s keep adding to our list of positives and soon we will feel a lift beginning, much like what I felt to be true concerning my self-image. Remember two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time and neither can two thoughts so I try to begin each day with positive happy thoughts, being thankful for all around me. Then I can feel the happiness surface and begin to radiate outward. The result is I’m more pleasant to be around, at times even inspiring to be around.

So, again, are you truly happy? You can be. It’s your choice. It’s your world. Fill it with happy thoughts — something to appreciate about yourself or your life, something or someone in your life to be thankful for — and the snowball effect will take over. And it doesn’t take a lot of snow. Soon you’ll have so large a ball you won’t be able to lift it. It will lift “you” and you will have found true happiness.

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Debby Havas is an author living in Jay. Her writings express her experiences in the healing energies of Mother Nature.