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I care, a lot

A satirical letter from a fictitious person who ‘cares’

I care about your town. I do. A lot. Especially those cute little shops, can we get a few more of those?

And I care about the lakes. My renters need a place to bring their boats, and isn’t it great how I support your local economy with all of these renters? Maybe I should include a boat in the rental options!? Genius?

Correct, I have never actually been here/there, but don’t let that get in the way of you understanding how much I care because I do, piles of it, heaps, taller than Macey, or is it Matcy … Marcy? They’re all the same, right?

AND (with a finger pointing toward the sky) I am all for the local hiking, and biking, and of course camping.

AND (finger … sky … pointing) I am happy to give up some of the spots I reserved months ahead of time for my renters to camp at. Just email me, and we can work something out. It’s not like you camp at the same site every year, right? There are so many to choose from. We can share, because we care.

Oh, but I am a little concerned about some of the “other” people who appear to JUST buy houses and rent them all year because my renters, when then come, want to get food from restaurants, and it seems that it’s getting hard to find a place for people to live/rent who work at restaurants, or gas stations or, ya know, basically anyone who doesn’t own a home and needs somewhere to live, possibly with a family or those college-type kids who have several jobs and need a place to rent. If the college is for sale, ever, let me know. We can talk.

So please tell those people to care a little bit more, and if you don’t, maybe YOU don’t care? If only you cared about your town as much as me. See, I LOVE the mountains and the small-town community; it’s how I make a lot of money for my other houses in other places I love to be. Perhaps you are the one who needs to have a talk with yourself about what progress is? I am what progress is. #ThisFace

Look, just because you have new people next door to you every week shouldn’t cause you to worry. Most of them have been vetted and gone through some kind of process to keep them from being too loud, or violent, or damaging. There are still laws, right? Kind of? But if you do smell smoke from a backyard fire that they didn’t put out, please call the fire department. Maybe you want to sell me your house, too? We can talk, if you want.

I care so much that I want as many people to come here as I can so they can see how wonderful and kind it is, so then they can buy places, too, that can maybe be rented out for even more people to show how much they care.

And for all of you who actually live in your house, or can maybe drive to your rental property to say hello to renters, or rent a room, or an apartment, while also being there, well shame on you for preventing more people from being able to visit. Just because you are a neighbor that can call your other neighbor to say they left their lights on, or that their cat/dog got out and you have it, doesn’t mean you care. Not like me, anyway. If you want to sell me your house, let me know. We can talk.

It isn’t like a neighborhood has to know each other THAT well, right? I mean, where I live we do not have any rentals because who would want their kids playing next to houses where new people show up every week? But your town is so well connected, you don’t need that! It’s incredible, truly. Where I live, we are a bit too close to some dangerous places, you understand. It isn’t like you have any real problems up here! Just hiking and camping and boating all the time time! I really need to get up there.

Again, thank you for caring, and hopefully, after reading this, you will care as much as me, one day, but just don’t care too much because I need all of this “supplemental income” and if you put a stop to this amazingly easy thing I have going, I don’t know what I would do. I don’t even know how I survived before all of my rentals. You’re welcome.

Sarcastically,

Jason Smith

Not the boat guy

Saranac Lake

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