(Provided photo)

Perhaps because National Grandparents Day was Sept. 7, grandparents have begun to ask me for advice about how to tell their own children how to parent — which is interesting because parents frequently ask me how they should deal with grandparents who want to offer advice on every facet of child-rearing.

Everything is relative (so to speak) so let me see if I can offer some pointers to grandparents and a few to parents as well.

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Some grand approaches

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If you are a grandparent (and I am as well) — my suggestion is to try to give advice only when asked.

Your children are insecure enough when they begin parenting and too many of your suggestions (even though you mean well) can shake their confidence. The more you practice restraint, the more you are apt to be asked for advice.

¯ Rather than offer advice — praise your children for their parenting skills rather than criticize them and you may be asked for even more advice than you imagined.

¯ Rather than lavish your grandchildren with presents which parents can rarely afford, give them the gift of your available time to do things that your children will be grateful you are willing to do, such as diaper changes, feeds, and baths and as your grandkids get older, playing games and reading to your grandchildren.

¯ Giving your children a night off as parents is one of the greatest gifts a grandparent can offer — and parents you would be foolish not to take advantage of the opportunity for some grandparent baby-sitting.

¯ If conflicts do arise, keep the line of communication open with your children.

¯ This is not a competition. Grandparents should rise above any disagreement whether they are right or not and help resolve things by still offering to help out rather than staying away out of personal pride.

Hopefully, tips like these will make a grand difference when it comes to recognizing the benefits and important roles that grandparents can play in the development of your grandchildren and in the development of all of us who parent.

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Lewis First, MD, is Chief of Pediatrics at The University of Vermont Children’s Hospital and Chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont’s Larner College of Medicine. You can also catch “First with Kids” weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and NBC5.