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Coping with the death of a pet

One of the saddest questions I get from parents is how to how to help a child cope with the death of a pet.

It is important to understand that how a child deals with a pet’s death depends largely on their age and personality.

Until children are age 5 or 6, their view of the word is very concrete. Although they don’t understand death, they might understand your telling them that a pet’s body was not working anymore and could not be fixed. A key concept at this age is to make sure your young child does not blame themselves for the death of a pet. This may happen not just at time of death but during the weeks, months and even years that follow.

Avoid phrases such as the pet “went away” or “went to sleep” since children may become fearful when you tell them a family member is going away or going to sleep.

Children between 6 and 10 do understand the finality of death, but do not quite understand that it will eventually happen to them one day. Providing accurate, simple, clear and honest answers to their questions is the best way to talk with children at this age.

Teens understand that eventually everyone dies. They may experience some guilt or anger about a pet’s death, and it is important to encourage the expression and sharing of grief and sadness.

Your child’s health care professional or your pet’s veterinarian can help and provide access to books, counselors and even other pet owners that can help a child and family get through this difficult time.

Parents, sharing your own grief and even tears in front of your child or teen may actually help your young one deal with their own emotional pain and loss.

Make sure your child, regardless of age, knows that despite the loss, that you can continue to love and talk about the happy memories of the pet forever — and maybe over time welcome a new pet into the family.

If your child is having trouble coping with the loss in terms of a change in their behavior, mood or school performance, please talk with your child’s health care professional or the school counselor who can help.

Hopefully tips like these will bring peace of mind to you and your children when it comes to dealing with the pet-ticulars of helping them deal with the death of a beloved pet.

Lewis First, MD, is Chief of Pediatrics at The University of Vermont Children’s Hospital and Chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont’s Larner College of Medicine. You can also catch “First with Kids” weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and NBC5.

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