Memorial Day is a time to think about those who have given their lives defending our country.

Parents who have a partner or close relative who is going to be deployed for a military assignment away from home, or has already been deployed, have been asking me to do my duty and help them help their children deal with the separation.

Let me salute this important issue and provide some information on this topic.

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Some helpful approaches

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¯ It is important that deployment not be a secret for anyone in the family. If a parent or close relative is going to be going away in the military, it needs to be discussed by all family members old enough to understand in advance.

¯ Having a deployed person leave something for a child to keep safe while they are gone and having the child give a keepsake to that person can help maintain the closeness during the deployment.

¯ Having a plan to stay connected, if possible, through email, texts, photos, and videos can also help make the time pass more quickly.

¯ Listen to your child’s questions and answer them as truthfully as possible.

¯ Reassure your child and tell them how long a loved one will be away and that safety precautions will certainly be taken — but do not make false assurances that no one will ever be hurt. It is ok to say that the person deployed knows their job and will be working hard to do it well so they can stay safe.

¯ A great idea is to make a calendar with events like birthdays and holidays that a child can keep track of to know better when the return is planned.

¯ Other older children whose parents are away may be good support for younger children.

¯ It is important to keep routines in place and continue to set limits on things such as screen time and other activities before, during, and after someone returns, no matter how joyful that latter occasion is.

¯ Let the school and other key people outside of the family who work with your child know that this is happening so they can watch for signs of stress such as problems in school performance, behavior or mood changes. If so, talk with your child’s health care professional to see if counseling or family counseling is indicated to deal with the sadness and anxiety associated with someone being away on deployment.

It is important that a parent who remains home with the children finds time for themselves so they stay refreshed and can feel better about helping others through this tough experience. If you appear stressed, your child may become equally stressed.

Hopefully tips like these will put you at ease when it comes to helping you and your child deal with the deployment of a loved one.

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Lewis First, MD, is Chief of Pediatrics at The University of Vermont Children’s Hospital and Chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont’s Larner College of Medicine. You can also catch “First with Kids” weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and NBC5.