Frozen flowers on the Saranac River. (Provided photo — Diane Chase)

I was recently talking with a friend about parental do-overs. We all have those moments when we wish to take back our words or actions. Those feelings apply to our everyday lives, not just parenting. Whatever the circumstances, wiping the slate clean seems easier than figuring out the mess.

First off, I am not talking about abuse. Physically or mentally harming anyone is unacceptable. If you or someone you know is being abused, please reach out to the authorities. There are groups experienced in helping people leave unhealthy living situations.

My friend and I discussed finding the right balance between friend and disciplinarian. She asked me what some of my do-overs would be as a parent. I said I wish I had seen beyond the terms placed on our children. We quickly label our kids as challenging, quiet, shy and hyper. Would we have had smoother transitions if I had looked more for the cause of willful behavior rather than just dealing with the consequences? If I had seen the behavior as strong-willed rather than difficult, could I have approached the circumstances differently? I used to get frustrated and angry frequently and apologize a lot.

My friend was feeling particularly defeated. Her do-overs deal with having children with various health and learning challenges. Her world of regret ranges from ignoring diagnoses to not accepting support. She looks back at how she could have made life easier for her children.

I don’t often reflect on all my parenting mistakes. I’ve tried to deal with the situation and not repeat the circumstances. I address my errors with my children as soon as possible so we don’t hold on to anger. They are also quick to call me out on my transgressions. I remind my children that I am also human and will make mistakes. I continue to learn.

Parenting is difficult enough without pretending everything is perfect. My girlfriend said she is grateful for the reminder that everyone has struggles, even if they are different from her own. I don’t think it is easy, but an apology goes a long way. My children told me that when I admit I am wrong and apologize, it helps them to forgive, learn, and move on. We don’t get do-overs, but we can admit our faults and try to do better. It may not be a completely clean slate, but it can be a fresh start. Good luck!