Do I want to make a New Year’s resolution?

People I talk to say they have a hard time following through with their New Year’s resolutions. Social pressure and assumptions can make things confusing, especially for teenagers who want to be accepted for who they truly are and not be forced into a stereotyped box by others’ expectations of them.

To create a New Year’s resolution, we reflect about what we’re doing, what we’ve done, then come up with something we could do better. When we do this, we are telling ourselves that we are imperfect, because if we were perfect, we could not improve! When we tell ourselves we are imperfect because we could improve, it is likely we have a depiction of a perfect person in our minds that could be based on things such as gender norms or other social pressures. People who are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be ask themselves things like: How can I become a more perfect person? What do I need to do differently to be more perfect?

If there’s no such thing as perfect, then where does our idea of perfect come from? Movies, books, social media, TV, commercials, family and friends help us form our own idea of our perfect self. These ideals match up with categories like masculine, feminine, athletic, tough, gentle, cool and geeky. These are stereotypical boxes that society gives us to fit our ideals into. We are more than these stereotypes. We each have a conscience that tells us what is right and wrong based on our opinions of society’s stereotypes. If we don’t really think through our resolutions seriously, we probably will miss important aspects of what went into our making a resolution. Instead of getting out of a stereotypical box that we are trying to not conform to, we may be unintentionally setting that stereotype as a standard to which we need to perform to improve ourselves.

For instance, one of my friends resolved one year to “be more active.” My aunt resolved this year to “be more optimistic.” Even though these are different resolutions, they both are saying they want to “be more.” Both lack details on what it would take to be more active or more optimistic on a daily basis, but both clearly say that they think they are imperfect and that they can “be more” by doing these things.

Some New Year’s resolutions take a “be less” instead of “be more” approach. My great-aunt’s friend resolved this year to “stop comparing herself to other people.” If we resolve to stop doing something, there’s no clear answer about what to do when we get the urge to do things we’re trying to stop — there’s no alternative. So if my great-aunt’s friend finds herself comparing herself to someone else, there’s no other action she can take instead. This will remain a half-baked idea until she prepares an alternative action plan for when the urge to compare herself to others arises.

When I tell myself to “be more” something, I feel some guilt for not “being more” already. Making a New Year’s resolution to change is reassuring because I’m aware of what I need to do, and that even though I am imperfect, there are ways I can get closer to my stereotypical ideal. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll actually do it. If I don’t actually do it, some part of me feels rebellious against the resolution, like it’s a new rule I have the power to break because I’m the one who made it.

It seems to me that this starts a cycle between our ideal stereotype and our rebellion against stereotypes that we set for ourselves according to society’s boxes. Is there a way I can aspire to be more of my true self according to what my conscience tells me is right, without falling into a stereotypical box?

For instance, if I eat meat and make a New Year’s resolution to stop eating meat because I hear that it is unhealthy for me and the planet, I am resolving to stop eating meat to “be more healthy.” If I go and eat meat anyway, I will be rebelling against my understanding of society’s stereotype of a healthy person that I have adopted as my stereotype. But then I may feel upset at myself for failing to stick by my New Year’s resolution. I may just think of myself as an unhealthy person who contributes to climate change. Unless I change my ideal of what constitutes a healthy person, I will probably try to stop eating meat again. Maybe I will do other things to try and make up for the fact that I’m a meat eater so I can tell myself I’m a healthy person even though I eat meat. But eating meat or not eating meat may remain a battle inside of me that I might use to decide whether I am a healthy or unhealthy person. There will always be the internal battle between judging myself according to an ideal stereotype and judging myself according to my conscience, but the key is what the battle is for. The battle is between what my ideal stereotype and what my own conscience thinks is the right thing to do.

We can decide what is right to do throughout the year. But the New Year is a clearly-marked starting line. If you think that there are things you can do better for yourself, the New Year is a significant and clear place to start. It marks a new chance. Jan. 1 is a new day. But, so is Jan. 11, and so is any given Tuesday in March. You can make a commitment to self-improvement any day of the year.

As I’m thinking more about New Year’s resolutions, I am reminded of a poem that my friend, Leah Rini, wrote:

The day finally came,

But my plans were not set,

My ideas were only half-baked.

I’d been waiting a long time,

But I hadn’t thought of all the things I’d need to do.

All the things I’d imagined,

I could not bring into reality,

Because I hadn’t thought of the mundane details,

Only the exciting ones.

So the day I’d been waiting for came and went,

And I couldn’t do what I’d meant to do,

Because I did not really know what I’d meant to do.

I only knew what I’d wanted to happen.

— — —

Evan Beech is a teenager living in Westport. His essay, “Community Through Unity,” was a finalist for the Adirondack Center for Writing’s “My Dreams for My Community” essay contest.