Recently I have received a lot of questions from parents asking me whether something they heard about parenting a teenager is fact or fiction.

This week, let me do some truth-telling and myth-busting when it comes to parenting adolescents.

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A longer timeline

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First, adolescence is not just about being 13 to 19 years of age. It begins with the onset of puberty and can extend from 8 to 9 years of age into the early 20s as the adolescent brain develops and tackles issues with judgment, critical thinking and risk taking.

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It’s not personal

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Second, if you think that your teenager’s mission in life is to make your life as a parent miserable, think again.

Their moods are not about you, but about hormonal changes that are forcing them to realize they will soon need to become more independent.

As a result, their unconditional love for you allows them to test that independence with those often unpredictable moods and behaviors that can make parenting challenging.

And if you think teens can control their often-unpredictable mood swings, that’s a myth, too. In fact, understanding how tough this is for your teen, and talking with them about how you want to be as understanding as possible as a parent, may help reduce some of their moodiness.

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Meet them where they’re at

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Third, it is also a myth that your teens do not want to spend time with you.

You just need to give them your time on their terms — meaning, seek out things your teen likes to do, such as staying up later to join them for a late-night study snack or sitting down to watch what they are watching, or to ask about the video game they are playing and whether you can give it a try.

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Lend a helping hand

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Fourth, thinking that doing something special to help your teen will only make them less motivated to do things for themselves is also a myth. There’s a big difference between nurturing and spoiling.

Surprising your teen with their favorite dinner, or running errands for them when they are busy and offering them your empathy, patience and understanding is a great way to enable them to do similarly for others.

Hopefully, tips like these will convince you that the most important myth to bust is that just because your teenager may be going through a tough stage of adolescence doesn’t mean they don’t love you and need you as much as they ever have!

Be there for them and offer the strong loving bonds you always have. You’ll find your teens will offer that love back to you, not only during adolescence but for the rest of their lives.

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Lewis First, MD, is chief of pediatrics at the University of Vermont Children’s Hospital and chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont’s Larner College of Medicine. You can also catch “First with Kids” weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and NBC5.