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Temper tantrums

Parents have been crying out to me for help in managing their toddler’s tantrums. Well, I don’t want anyone pulling their hair out on this one; so let me provide some calming information.

Why do tantrums occur?

First, be aware that tantrums are common and an expected behavior for young children due to their limited understanding and limited language skills. Tantrums can often be caused by your child being hungry, bored, over-tired, over stimulated or simply by having their independence challenged when they hear the word “no” used too much in too short a time.

Can tantrums beprevented?

Perhaps some, but certainly not all. Yet, if you are alert as a parent and see a tantrum revving up, you can certainly head many tantrums off at the pass. One way is to distract your child with a new activity or a different toy to play with. Be aware that if you change activities too abruptly, you may want to consider offering a transition statement. This sets up a better understanding of what the next activity will be before just stopping it and starting another. For example, if a child isn’t eager to go to bed, say, “Let’s go pick out a book” instead of, “Let’s go to bed.” The more predictable the daily schedule, the less likely the tantrum.

What to do in the

middle of a tantrum

If a tantrum is already in progress at home, stay calm, cool, and collected and ignore it as much as possible. A great idea is to put your child in their room surrounded by their toys that will help cool them down. With no audience to hear the tantrum, there is less incentive to cry, kick, or scream, and the tantrum will stop.

If a tantrum occurs in a public place such as a store, you can offer your child a choice: calm down or you will leave the store. If they do not calm down, then follow through with the second option and leave the store.

Rather than scolding your child for having a tantrum in a public place just after one has occurred, you can have a much more lucid discussion at bedtime. This is because your child has had time to calm down and you both now have each other’s undivided attention. You can then chat about what might be done differently to prevent a tantrum from occurring next time in that public place.

Whatever you do, don’t have a tantrum yourself when your toddler does, and maintain your self-control. Do not try to reason with a child who’s having a tantrum or give in or reward your child for stopping the tantrum. It will simply encourage this behavior all the more.

Hopefully, tips like these will temper both you and your child when it comes to taming those temper tantrums.

Lewis First, MD, is Chief of Pediatrics at The University of Vermont Children’s Hospital and Chair of the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Vermont’s Larner College of Medicine. You can also catch “First with Kids” weekly on WOKO 98.9FM and NBC5.

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