New beginnings. (Provided photo — Diane Chase)

I thought about whether or not to tackle the controversial Oscar Slapgate that happened between two Hollywood stars attending their end-of-the-year sports awards banquet. Did I want the negative feedback? Is someone slapping a public figure pertinent to anyone else? Why did this incident divide so many people? Worse things are happening in the world.

My immediate issue began with a grown man assaulting another man but equating his actions with love. “Love makes you do crazy things.” (I understand there was a preexisting condition, and comedians aren’t always funny.) That doesn’t mean Cupid also takes one on the chin for a person’s complete lack of control. Love does not equal assault. Think about it. Your child brings someone home to dinner and opens with, “I like this person so much because they fought a duel in my honor. It was pistols at dawn.” You would think your kid needed an intervention or exorcism. I posted something to that effect on social media and got pushback. Some people applauded the actions as heroic. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.

I used to volunteer at a halfway house for battered families. People would require everything because they left their homes in the middle of the night with just the clothes on their backs. They escaped a home where their spouses demonstrated love with fists. I felt this Hollywood incident gave every abuser a high-profile individual to justify bad behavior. Sadly, over 80% of the families returned to their homes because their significant other “didn’t mean it,” “it was a mistake,” “they say it won’t happen again,” or “love makes you do crazy things.” I do not think this high-profile person is an abuser. He did give every abuser permission to do crazy things with the bonus of a trophy and a standing ovation from his peers.

I read comments and tried processing information. I was baffled by the responses. I could not figure out how to gain common ground with people supporting this assault. The more I read and processed, the more I was confused. From where I stood, the view was clear. What I needed to do is change my direction.

I searched for connections and differences. Most people supporting the action were at some point disenfranchised or protecting a bullied loved one. They felt powerless and understood the drive to stand up and confront a tormentor. They weren’t condoning violence but dreaming of the opportunity to stop the oppressors.

It still doesn’t make it right, but I finally understand why people reacted the way they did: Desperation. We shrug off mean-spirited comments and use jokes as weapons. We teach our children to keep their hands to themselves, use their words for good, and talk things out. Adults need to do the same. Let’s keep our children safe and protect them by standing up for them in ways no one will ever regret or have to apologize for the next day. Don’t let love, be it in words, thoughts, or deeds, be the excuse for hurting other people.