Skeptical hen (Provided photo — Diane Chase)

Quite a few parents are experiencing a transition with their “almost” adult children. Whether those kids are going off to college or getting their first apartment, emotions are running hot. My best advice to anyone experiencing an altered or empty nest is this: denial. It works. Truly.

When my son was going off to college, he had zero plans of ever talking to us again. Yes, indeed. He was planning radio silence until he ran out of money. The move didn’t involve any drama; he just wanted to do everything his own way and in his own time. He didn’t want to feel the weight of being part of our family. By the way, if everyone in the family isn’t carrying a bit of weight, then it means you are shouldering the bulk of the responsibility. Spread some of it around. Everyone will be fine. Someone else may learn to hate taking out the compost. You shouldn’t keep that one to yourself.

We dropped my son off at college and told him we looked forward to hearing about his adventures as we waved him off. That was my journey. Other parents wept as they were flooded with memories while some people cried themselves to sleep. Another friend recently informed me that his wife couldn’t even go to the college drop-off because she and their daughter had been inseparable. I’ve had friends take one on the chin and put on a brave face. There are also parents not bothered by the separation. There is no right or wrong. We all want our children to leave the nest. Perhaps they could clean it before leaving but still fly the coop when they are ready to go.

My son didn’t wait until he needed cash, but contacted me on his walks between classes. He shared interesting facts he learned in class and funny anecdotes. He and his sister developed a different relationship. It has not been the journey I expected. It has been so much better.

A little bit of denial was good for me. I didn’t want to believe that he would never come home. I didn’t want him to hit the road for unknown adventures without a return plan. I always want him to know how proud I am of him. He still comes home. We still argue, share in deep conversations, and love each other deeply. As an adult, he walks through our door, and we adjust to our new family dynamic.

Just remember. You don’t have to say goodbye. There are other words. Let them know you are there when they need you, not the other way around. Tell your kids to take care, have a safe journey, and you look forward to hearing about their adventures. Thanksgiving will be here sooner than you can imagine. Hugs to all the parents experiencing change. TTFN.