A junco nest and eggs (Provided photo — Diane Chase)

I recently waved to a young acquaintance while at an outdoor event. An adult reminded me the kid in question used to be “trouble.” I happen to really like this kid. This young adult always says hi. This person looks me in the eye. This kid doesn’t pretend we aren’t acquainted. This individual is past the awkward age when teens aren’t sure they should say hello to parents or walk by as if adults are invisible.

This kid, like most children, has a backstory. Perhaps the person was mouthy or didn’t do homework, wasn’t timely, hung with a rough group, robbed a bank, or did time in the big house (none of that happened, so stop trying to figure this out.) The worse thing this kid did was work through being a kid. The young person may not have met everyone’s expectations or maybe took a wrong turn. Is there a need to churn up the past if this person “used to be” something?

I conjure up the past when I feel it can be helpful to a struggling parent. Parents need to understand they may not have unique issues, or their child will grow out of certain behaviors. I also get permission from my children to see if I can share various segments of their younger life. Otherwise, why dredge up the past?

The biggest gift we can give our youth and ourselves is to stop judging people on their teenage selves. We are supposed to make flawed choices when we are younger so we can learn from our mistakes. Obviously, I’m not advocating for a teen free-for-all of life-altering decisions. I do support forgiveness and patience. We also need to be aware when someone continually makes the same mistakes.

I don’t want to be judged on past bad haircuts or decisions. I know my children certainly don’t deserve to be judged poorly for going through teenage growing pains. I grew up when the Internet didn’t exist, so no one documented my every move. Children now are not so lucky. They must be self-aware to realize the consequences of current actions, and most teens are not. The internet isn’t forgiving and doesn’t allow for any mistakes.

With the burden of social media on the shoulders of the young, perhaps we can help them maneuver the future and not hold their past indiscretions against them.