Before the pandemic, Esther Hazan’s relationship with her husband didn’t feel that different than any other long-distance relationship. She lives in Montreal. He lives north of New York City. She had driven down in mid-March of last year to celebrate his birthday.

“We heard rumors like borders were closing. And we were like, there’s no way. Like, there’s just no way. This is not possible,” she recalled.

Of course, it was possible. The border closed on March 21, 2020, to all non-essential traffic. The two did not see each other for several months. Then they began meeting on the Quebec-Vermont border, sitting together in lawn chairs on opposite sides of an invisible line.

Nearly a year since restrictions on non-essential travel across the U.S.-Canada border took effect last spring, thousands of families find themselves split across an unprecedented divide. With definitions and quarantine rules that have changed and evolved, many have struggled to maintain relationships, a particular challenge for families with young children.

As a Canadian, Hazan cannot cross the land border into the United States, but she’s allowed to fly in. She has traveled by plane a handful of times, including for their wedding in November.

She and her husband both have kids from their previous relationships, and it has been hard to bring their new family together.

“It would have been really nice for them to get to know each other,” she said, “And it would have been nice for me to be able to spend some more time before marrying their dad, because you want to have as easy transition as possible with the children, blending families.”

Each time she flies to the United States, she has to quarantine for two weeks when she returns to Montreal. She says her boss is not thrilled. This summer Canada created exemptions for close family members. So her husband can visit, but he is also expected to quarantine for two weeks upon arrival.

Meanwhile, Hazan’s children in Montreal have struggled to see their biological father, who’s also in New York state. The oldest, Leora, is 14.

“It’s very different and hard, I guess,” she said. Leora went down to the U.S. for her mom’s wedding and got to meet her new siblings. But she doesn’t think she’ll be able to spend a lot of time with them until travel gets easier.

“I would like to hang out and like do stuff and get to know them a little bit better,” she said.

The border is affecting thousands of families used to living cross-border lives.

In Watertown, Dan and Jordan Rodriguez say they haven’t been able to visit with Dan’s 8-year-old daughter, Alice. She lives with her mother a few hours north of Quebec City. He used to cross to see her about once a month.

Now it’s been almost a year of video chats and calls, an anguishing new normal.

“She has changed so drastically and personality, just talking with her on FaceTime. But to sit down and spend time with her, it’s like, I think is probably one of the biggest things that I miss because when when I did get to see her, we were going out and doing things on our own, and it was fun. We can go shopping, we can go out to the lake,” Dan Rodriguez said.

His wife Jordan said they have sent Alice care packages they open together over video.

“We got her hats and crowns and just random crafts, and I think we got her like tree moss, and just random stuff,” she recalled, “And she was just ecstatic.”

They even organize virtual play dates — Dan and Jordan’s children in Watertown on one side of the screen, Alice and her siblings in Quebec on the other.

“We do like a playdough date, like we just set up the camera and we all play with our playdough at the same time.”

Alice has not met her youngest sibling yet, at least in person. Dan and Jordan gave birth a couple of months ago, another missed milestone together.

Families separated by the border restrictions have found each other on Facebook. There are now groups with thousands of members, including engaged couples and extended family members.

Devon Weber co-founded a group called Let Us Reunite. On a panel recently hosted by the Canada Institute, she said a lot of the families in the group are split between border towns that might be less than an hour apart … but Canadians are only allowed in by air, which can now mean a full day of travel with transfers through multiple airports.

“If you’re immunocompromised, if you’re going to visit someone immunocompromised, it’s a non starter. You can’t do it. I’m not going to get on a plane and fly to go to visit my mother who has, you know, asthma.”

The group is lobbying Washington to adopt exemptions Canada created for close family members to enter by land.

“We understand that COVID-19 is a deadly disease. We are not in negating that, but we think that the mental health of our members is important too. And we think that there is a way that you can take into account the safety needed to travel with the COVID restrictions and still be able to see our loved ones.”

Canadian Tarah Sly lives in Ottawa. She is waiting for her immigration petition to be approved to move to the United States, where her husband is waiting for her. The pandemic has also created significant delays in processing applications.

She is pregnant, so now he is saving up his vacation time to come up and quarantine ahead of her due date this spring.

“I’ve been having some complications,” she explained, “so I’m actually not allowed to travel. So, I’m here, and he hasn’t been able to be part of anything.”

Her husband also has daughters from a previous marriage, and she added, “They want to be part of the pregnancy.

“They’re so excited, but they can’t be part of anything,” she said.

Sly said that, in Canada, any article about family separations she reads has a slew of comments saying that people should have known better than to get into cross-border relationships. But people don’t realize, she said, that no family anticipated how complicated their routine crossings could become.

“Everyone is grieving and losing something in this. This is just another layer for us. Because it’s because it has made it so much more difficult to even have loved ones support you through some of these difficulties,” Sly said.

Restoring normal travel still appears a long way off. Both the U.S. and Canada have added restrictions for permitted travelers in recent weeks, including testing and quarantine measures. In the meantime, separated families say they still hope policies will get introduced to make their lives a little easier.