I have the cleanest money (in verse)


To the editor: 

They call me Mister President, the band plays when I enter.

But I don’t lead the U.S.A.; I am its grand tormentor.


I have great power, guns and ships, and missiles at the ready,

but at the helm of leadership, my grip is not too steady.


“Not responsible,” my refrain, whatever the topic is,

COVID, bounties, deficits, at evasion I’m a whiz.


I have no need for expertise, ’cause I know it all, you see,

so impulse is my game of choice, all facts are absentee.


The reason I like politics is money in my small hand,

the money comes from everywhere, and wealth is my homeland.


In ’16 I spent campaign funds at many nice Trump hotels,

and so did my rich MAGA fans, I saw new parallels.


My inaugural fund a hundred mil, and where did that money go?

They drank and partied at Trump hotels, and I felt an afterglow.


As president, where’er I golf, it’s my Trump brand all the way,

Scotland, Jersey or Florida, it’s always my special day.

When I was broke, I needed cash, and some Russians helped me out.

They bought my condos right and left and that ended my bad drought.


So Russian money is my prize now, saved me from going broke,

and my new Trump Tower Moscow? It’ll be my masterstroke.


You can call it laundered money, say whatever you will.

It made me whole, it made me rich, and it elicits my goodwill.


So Putin has control of me, and I’m firmly in his grip?

I smile at him and lick his boots, but I call it fellowship.


Putin will help me once again, to win the next election,

and if you can imagine it, I’ll feel even more affection!

COVID can’t block my MAGA plans, the plague will just disappear —

and before you even know it, get the economy back in gear.


Or maybe not, it’s hard to know — COVID ends soon, I know.

Maybe I won’t be President, but one thing I won’t forego —


Hundreds of millions in campaign funds, now under my control,

but there is no need to waste it. Have you seen the latest poll?


Republicans in Congress — they plead for my support,

but my plans for all that money? They can cut their campaigns short.


Is there a way to launder cash, make campaign money my own?

If there’s one thing that money needs, it’s me as chaperone.


To launder up that money, and transfer from campaign to me,

the Trump Foundation might be a way to show my integrity.


I never was Republican; I’m really all about Trump.

And “leaders” in the GOP? They’re all just losers and chumps.


If I don’t win? I just won’t leave, declare electoral fraud —

that there was too much fake news, and my mission is from God.


I’ll make a deal to leave DC if they’ll just leave me alone —

no probes or indictments from my lovely Palm Beach home.


But the words that were said to me that really left me stewing?

“You’re no Bernie Madoff — he knew what he was doing.”


I know that I’m a liar, a cheater and a bum,

but my father’s ghost still haunts me, and that I can’t overcome. 

David Banks

Rockville, Maryland


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