I have the cleanest money (in verse)
To the editor:
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They call me Mister President, the band plays when I enter.
But I don’t lead the U.S.A.; I am its grand tormentor.
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I have great power, guns and ships, and missiles at the ready,
but at the helm of leadership, my grip is not too steady.
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“Not responsible,” my refrain, whatever the topic is,
COVID, bounties, deficits, at evasion I’m a whiz.
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I have no need for expertise, ’cause I know it all, you see,
so impulse is my game of choice, all facts are absentee.
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The reason I like politics is money in my small hand,
the money comes from everywhere, and wealth is my homeland.
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In ’16 I spent campaign funds at many nice Trump hotels,
and so did my rich MAGA fans, I saw new parallels.
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My inaugural fund a hundred mil, and where did that money go?
They drank and partied at Trump hotels, and I felt an afterglow.
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As president, where’er I golf, it’s my Trump brand all the way,
Scotland, Jersey or Florida, it’s always my special day.
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When I was broke, I needed cash, and some Russians helped me out.
They bought my condos right and left and that ended my bad drought.
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So Russian money is my prize now, saved me from going broke,
and my new Trump Tower Moscow? It’ll be my masterstroke.
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You can call it laundered money, say whatever you will.
It made me whole, it made me rich, and it elicits my goodwill.
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So Putin has control of me, and I’m firmly in his grip?
I smile at him and lick his boots, but I call it fellowship.
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Putin will help me once again, to win the next election,
and if you can imagine it, I’ll feel even more affection!
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COVID can’t block my MAGA plans, the plague will just disappear —
and before you even know it, get the economy back in gear.
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Or maybe not, it’s hard to know — COVID ends soon, I know.
Maybe I won’t be President, but one thing I won’t forego —
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Hundreds of millions in campaign funds, now under my control,
but there is no need to waste it. Have you seen the latest poll?
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Republicans in Congress — they plead for my support,
but my plans for all that money? They can cut their campaigns short.
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Is there a way to launder cash, make campaign money my own?
If there’s one thing that money needs, it’s me as chaperone.
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To launder up that money, and transfer from campaign to me,
the Trump Foundation might be a way to show my integrity.
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I never was Republican; I’m really all about Trump.
And “leaders” in the GOP? They’re all just losers and chumps.
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If I don’t win? I just won’t leave, declare electoral fraud —
that there was too much fake news, and my mission is from God.
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I’ll make a deal to leave DC if they’ll just leave me alone —
no probes or indictments from my lovely Palm Beach home.
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But the words that were said to me that really left me stewing?
“You’re no Bernie Madoff — he knew what he was doing.”
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I know that I’m a liar, a cheater and a bum,
but my father’s ghost still haunts me, and that I can’t overcome.
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David Banks
Rockville, Maryland