To the editor:
I think Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney is missing out on a real opportunity here as he considers who should be his running mate. Why not pick the Monopoly man? You know, the little cartoon character with the top hat and cane? Who better to represent the party of rich white men?
I know what you're thinking. The Monopoly man is a fictional character. So what? Actor Ronald Reagan was president, wasn't he? And look how that turned out. His policies increased the number of families living below the poverty line by one-third. He relied on a thinly veiled strategy of stoking white, working-class racism. He sponsored death squads in Latin America. Things turned out great!
Just think of the rapport Romney and the Monopoly man would have. They'll get along famously! When Romney boasts about the "couple Cadillacs" his wife drives, the Monopoly man could talk about his ownership of the Pennsylvania Railroad. When Romney says he isn't "concerned with the very poor," the Monopoly man could regale him with a story of his time in jail for insider trading. When Romney complains that $374,000 in speaking fees isn't "very much," the Monopoly man could bemoan the cost of waxing the marble at Park Place.
But if Romney doesn't pick the Monopoly man to be his vice president, President Barack Obama always could, if he gets tired of Joe Biden's big mouth. After all, the Monopoly man fits right into both corporate parties. As The Hill wrote in 2010, "The top 10 highest-paid hedge fund managers in 2009 have dished out campaign contributions almost only to Democrats." The Republican Governors Association and the Democratic Governors Association shared 48 top donors, according to a 2010 analysis by the Center for Responsive Politics. These included Comcast, Walmart, Hewlett-Packard, AT&T, Coca-Cola, AFLAC and Verizon.