To: All employees
From: Geoff, product manager, owner
Re: Christmas party
This mugger wants your iPhone — and your friendship.
(Image courtesy of YouTube)
Greetings. It is with a heavy heart that I write to you during this time of holiday cheer. For me, it is not so cheerful.
The USB-powered flashlight industry is not taking off as I'd anticipated - and, frankly, I shouldn't have hired so many of you to begin with. And so, I'm writing now to announce the cancellation of the big Christmas party I'd planned for you.
I know. I wish things were different - but my hands are really tied on this one guys. I've already cancelled the petting zoo, the oompah band and the ice sculptures. However, due to a significant fee he imposes for cancellations, Reptile Man is still coming.
Dr. Cool Sex
So, instead, I'd like to invite you all over to my house to watch YouTube videos and drink some Red Bulls as we ring in the season of miracles. We'll buy the Cheetos locally, and we'll even watch some videos of Saranac Lake High School alumnus Dustin Drury '02.
Because I was going to give you all your Christmas bonuses at the party, I'm afraid I am, by default, canceling those, too. But I do think Dustin's videos will be right up Reptile Man's alley.
From what I can tell, Dustin is a member of the New York City-based comedy troupe that goes by the moniker "Dr. Cool Sex." They post funny sketches on YouTube and even have their own Web site at www.drcoolsex.com. From a dangerous new personal hygiene product to some funny encounters with werewolves and zombies, Dustin's videos will definitely be a hit at the Christmas party. I hope you can all make it. It's BYOB, by the way.
Anyhow, I think you should all come over, and we'll all see how much eggnog we can drink before we throw up. I bet I can beat you all!
I hope there are no hard feelings about the party, or the bonuses. Any economic concerns you have will be addressed when I return from my two-month winter vacation on the French Riviera.
If you have a place for Reptile Man to crash after the party, please e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.