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And my nominees are...

December 23, 2011 - John Stack
Idiots of the week

Sometimes, a certain individual rises above the rest, and can become the leading “Idiot of the Week”. This week though, presumably in the spirit of Christmas and giving, many have been ‘giving’ of themselves.

Being the time of the Solstice and the inaccurate timing of the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, of course the wackos come out in hordes. Lets start with my favorite, The Winker of Wassilla. Is she charging against high taxes? Health Care? The economy.No no no silly. Its about something really important. You know. She took to the airwaves to lament Obama’s..wait for it..Obama’s choice of..Finance Chief? No..bigger…delegate to the UN? ..No. BIGGER! ..must be..Obama’s choice of Christmas card!! Of course! Obama’s Christmas card has (blaspheming apparently) a picture of Obama’s dog Bo in front of a roaring fire next to a table with presents and a poinsettia plant. The horror! And the obviously Al Queda inspired note ‘From our family to yours, may your holidays shine with the light of the season’ signed also by Bo! Of course, she found this "It's odd," she said, wondering why the president's Christmas card highlights his dog instead of traditions like 'family, faith and freedom.' And also ‘a majority of Americans prefer "American foundational values illustrated and displayed on Christmas cards and on a Christmas tree.". Yes. We all need to remember the reason for the season. I mean who can forget the first Christmas tree, back in the manger, when the baby Jesus mistakenly spilled the Frankensense and Myrr into a lantern which exploded catching the tree on fire and burning down their abode, causing Joseph to find alternate lodging at the ‘Thatched Hut Inn Zero” ironically run by Muhammed Finkelstein.

But Pat Robertson was able to make sure that it is un-Christian and heretical to have any sense of humor about our savior Muhamed Buddha Confucious Flash Gordon Jesus Christ. SNL did a skit about Tim Tebow where Jesus came to talk to the Broncos about his saving the games for them. It was a very funny skit. Virtually everyone I know is a Christian, and I don’t know any of them who found it offensive, rather than funny. I haven’t heard what Tebow thought, but I suspect he found it funny too. But, Robertson said this ‘was offensive and shows a cultural inclination towards “Christian Bigotry”’. Bigotry? I assume most of the cast is Christian. Most of the viewers are Christian. The writers are probably Christian (Ok – mostly Jewish I suspect). What was the bigotry? That Jesus actually was helping the Broncos? That God is all powerful? That Jesus called Tom Brady ‘possibly the nephew of God’? but, Robertson did have an angle when he pointed out ‘“If this had been a Muslim Country, and they would have shown that, there would have bombs going off and bodies in the street”. Meaning…..uh…that if we were a Theocracy we would be able to watch these comedians be ripped apart by lions? Or it really sucks that we live in a society where fee speech is not only in our constitution, but celebrated by virtually all Americans? Not sure where he was headed with that one, except to show he is more sympathetic to Muslim rituals than our top Muslim, President Obama?

Luckily, Pat has some help on this from his buddy Newt. With Newt calling for the abolishment of ‘anti-American’ and ‘anti-religious’ courts, him and Pat must be on just the same page. Heck, they both believe the First Amendment (freedome of Speech, Religion) should obviously be thrown out along with Article three of the constitution (definition of judicial branch). Glad they are leaders. Luckily, their followers tend to be morons, so their voting and influential prowess seem to be muddied at best.

Another of Newt’s brethren, the former ‘wide stance’ Senator Larry Craig is in the news again (and not for soliciting sex in a public restroom this time). This time, as a lobbyist he’s working for the largest coal mining company in America, Murray Energy. Probably taking his former status and using it for good, like newt has done since he left the House, right? Well I guess so. Billion dollar companies need to have their money protected, even if it means that mine safety needs to be more lax. Losing a half dozens miners here and a dozen or so there is worth it to make sure the revenue stream og mine owners is not interrupted. Luckily the former Senator has registered as a lobbyist to help kill any new tough mine safety laws and to make sure owners of said mines don’t face any punishment. On the other hand, maybe I’d rather hear Craig is back trying to hide or lie about his misadventures caused by his unusually wide sitting position.

Luckily, Rick Santorum is up to the challenge of not being outdone. This week he described how he felt he could win the gay vote. Yeah, the most anti-gay former Senator believes he hasn’t hurt himself with the gay community. Of course gays also want lower taxes and better economic conditions. Even if it means voting for someone who said in “If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery.(sidebar – Gingrich has also proposed to repeal the commandments of ‘don’t commit adultery’ and ‘don’t covet what others have’). Because ‘“[Gay marriage] threatens my marriage. It threatens all marriages. It threatens the traditional values of this country.” Of course this is just a matter of disagreeing on a policy. Such as when we can have a logical, agree to disagree argument about whether we should cut taxes on the rich or tax them more. Same as same sex couples. Just because Rick equates you with animals, incest, and the cause of the the economy’s collapse and you are subhuman, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t vote for him.

Ahhh. What a group. And I didn’t even get into Mitt Romney’s continued attempts at secrecy, Allen West’s complete lack of traces of human decency or logic or even Michele Bachmanns latest rants. Happy Imbolc to all! Or at least have a joyous Yule!


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