The Inseide Dope, by Bob Seidenstein

Cruisin’ for a bruisin’

When I was in Holland a few weeks ago, I had a rare pleasure - I rode a bike."How can that be rare?" you ask. After all, I ride a bike here all the time.True enough. But compared to Holland, riding a bike here is hardly a pleasure.To begin, it was the first time I rode a Dutch bike, which was a ...

Frozen in time … and every other which way

Last week I had the privilege of traveling in Europe with my mishpocha.We spent a week in Spain, then an additional three days in Holland.Everything went swimmingly. The hotels were fine, the food deelish, the public transportation fast and efficient. Beyond that, everyone we dealt with was ...

Sole brother number one

One sign we're passengers on a rudderless ship of state is the number of books on leadership being churned out year after year.A representative sample: "The Leadership Secrets of Santa Claus," "The Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun," "The Leadership Secrets of Colin Powell," "The Leadership ...

Bubbled ice, befogged goalies, and the breaks of the game

Though I always liked to play sports, the sad truth is I wasn't much of an athlete. And it's probably no coincidence that any team I was on had a less than stellar record.That said, I was on one team with a perfect record. Unfortunately, it was 0 and 8. It was the Saranac Lake High School ...

Remember the Mein!

If you were in a diner in ancient Rome, eavesdropping on the next table, you might've heard someone say, "De gustibus non disputandem est."The English translation is, "In matters of taste there can be no dispute."But guess what?It's a couple millennia later, and people disagree about matters of ...

Flying anytime soon? If so, BYOBB

For the most part, change is gradual. And if things change slowly enough, we adjust easily to them, provided we notice them at all. This is surely the case with airline travel.I went on my first plane trip when I was 15. It was, to my naive adolescent self, a glamorous event. First there was ...

Keeping the grand marshal grand since 2016

When I hear country life bad rapped, it makes my blood boil. And it seems the worst bad-rappers are New York City boosters.According to them, everything, but everything, is bigger, better and badder in Gotham. The list in endless, but I'll give one oft-heard example - pizza.It's not enough for ...

The mein course

Because my family came from New York City, every year we went there three or four times.Frankly, being 100 percent country, I never cared much for the place. As its denizens brag, everything there is larger than life: the buildings, the crowds, the noise, the lights. To me, however, it was just ...

The breaks of the game

This winter, when I decided to start skating again after a 50-year layoff, I had a rough start.Actually, it was no start at all. I put on a pair of hockey skates and went out on the rink, where in seconds realized I was going to crash if I stayed there. So mere seconds later, I got off the ...

Pranks? No thanks

If you spend too much time on Facebook (which I'm ashamed to admit I do) you'll inevitably run across postings labeled "pranks." And their headings always say "This is funny!!!"I haven't seen a whole lot of them, nor do I want to, because from what I have seen, they're not funny!!! In fact, ...

Kazoos up the wazoo

It was a Saturday in January 1982 and I was having coffee in Alice's restaurant with Milt "Tiltin' Milton" McCrae."So," said Milt, "you'll never guess what the Waterhole's gonna do for Winter Carnival.""Drinks on the house all weekend?" I said."Don't I wish," he said.And no doubt he did.Milt ...

What has 2 arms, a neck and no head for business?

Early in the week, I realized this Carnival was the anniversary of The Great T-Shirt Fiasco of '76.This tale involves my pals Zap and Moonbeam, a beautiful hippy couple. Both had bright blue eyes, perfect skin and golden-blond hair down to their butts. Moonbeam made all their clothes; Zap made ...

The Ice King and his silent partners

If I've learned nothing else after a lifetime of watching athletes, I've learned this: They never come back.It's the sportswriter's dream-come-true: The old war horse, having left the field of honor a bunch of years ago, is now getting suited up again to stand in the arena and show all the ...

Art for Dope’s sake

Beauty, they say, is in the eyes of the beholder, and who am I to rebut it.Take the "Mona Lisa" ... please.I first saw it in a textbook when I was in sixth grade. Miss Pattinson told us what page to turn to and then held up her copy for us to see."This," she said, tapping the page, "is a copy ...

Ice follies

It happened on a whim. One minute I was walking by the Petrova field. The next minute I was recalling the village rink that'd been there and the hundreds if not thousands of hours I'd skated on it. And the next minute I told myself I was going to start skating again. Just like that.It was a ...

Much better than the real deal

All my life I've liked old things. And when I say all my life, I mean it.When I was a wee tyke and all the boys wanted to be astronauts like Captain Video and Flash Gordon, I wanted a top hat.When cars started coming out with huge fins, tinted windshields and all the other gee-gaws, I was ...

M.I.T.’s darkest moment

It had started out another pleasant eve in the Pearl of Tupper - P2's Irish Pub.Missy was behind the sticks; the usual suspects were bellied up to the bar; and Pat Bentley, the Metaphysical Miss M and I were at a table.Everything was going fine till Pat asked me a question that made my blood ...

The New Year’s that took the cake

In the Navy, I was a Morse code intercept operator, stationed in Germany on an army base. Never even saw a navy ship and no, don't go figure.We worked in one of two schedules. The administrators were called day workers and had bankers' hours from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Monday to Friday. The ...

So what if the weather outside is frightful?

Although almost every witticism attributed to an American is credited to Mark Twain, a lot of them were never uttered by Twain himself.However, one he did say was, "Everyone talks about the weather, but no one does anything about it."And that's sure true about the meteorological mess we're in, ...

Taking the cakes

If you're a thoroughly rotten human being, there's a multitude of ways to be remembered.So while Nero, Caligula, Hitler, Stalin, Ted Bundy and Charles Manson don't have legions of fans (at least I hope they don't), they sure have name recognition.On the other hand, if you're on the side of ...