The Inseide Dope, by Bob Seidenstein

Failure of the The Big Bang Theory

Of all 16-year-old guys in My Home Town, I was unique. Was I extraordinary as a scholar? Nope. An athlete? Fergit it. A party animal? Well, I might have been ... if I’d been invited to one. No, what set me apart was this: I was the only 1960’s teenage male who, while ...

Winners all

With winter now fully upon us, I suddenly thought of something that happened almost 60 years ago but is as vivid to me as if it took place yesterday. It was the snowshoe race in the Winter Carnival of 1959. I was 12 and in a magical place in life: I had an unlimited imagination but almost ...

Only Stardust in the wind

Earlier this week I had a chat with Ralphie Stardust. Actually, I had a listen to with Ralphie, since he himself never listens. Or more exactly he never listens to anything concerning what we fondly call “the material world.” Ralphie’s not rude or inconsiderate — quite the ...

No pique at Eye Peek

Last week I wrote about an epic shopping misadventure of mine. I bought a pair of expensive sunglasses that delaminated (through no fault of yours truly) but the company wouldn’t make good on their guarantee to replace them. In case you didn’t read the column (and ...

A shady deal

When my brother first came home from college on his Thanksgiving vacation, he’d become worldly beyond his years. He was no longer the rube he’d been a mere three months before. He’d discovered Bob Dylan, Eastern religions, sleazy bars, Swedish movies and exotic foods like oysters. ...

The rest of the story (nose rest, that is)

Until I was 60, I was blessed with perfect vision. After that, my eyesight — like everything else — hit the skids. The long and short of it (or if you prefer, the near and far of it) was I had to get bifocals. I went to Eye Care for the Adirondacks and got my exam and prescription. That ...

Into the void

In Shakespeare's time, people believed in ghosts. To them, a ghost was the spirit of a dead person who, for one reason or other, needed help from a living person so his or her soul could be at peace. That was the case with Hamlet's father's ghost.His ghost had a mighty good reason to be ...

Two hours before the mast

Last week, my sis-in-law cleaned out the attic of Ye Olde Family Manse and in the process ran across my boot camp yearbook, which she then gave me.Lordy lord, my boot camp yearbook, which I hadn't seen since - you guessed it - boot camp.I opened it, and the memories came flooding back.There we ...

When I went to the dogs … and vice versa

When I'm walking my dogs, people inevitably ask me how I ended up with three of them.It's a great question.How, indeed?The answer, I believe, is among Life's Unanswerables.A relative sample:"How did I ever co-sign a loan for that putz?""How did I think the Gonif Supplement Plan was anything but ...

Trials and tribulations

The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but he ain't the only one: The commissioner of jurors can give him a good run for his money any old day.Jury duty is every citizen's obligation, and as such, it's supposed to be assigned equably, with each citizen getting summoned every two or three years. ...

Sock it to me

While hardly the most ambitious of lads, throughout my life I have managed to set a bunch of goals and achieve most of them. However, one that has always eluded me is being able to wear shorts during the winter.Before I go any further, I'll answer your question: No, I don't know why I want to ...

There’s no grudge like an old grudge

My journalism career, such as it is, began in grade school, where I wrote for no less stellar a publication than the Adirondack Daily Enterprise.Before you jump to any conclusion about the ADE featuring front page spreads with Scoop Seidenstein's byline, I need to clarify a few things.First, ...

Cardinal points

Complaining about "government" seems to have replaced baseball as the national pastime.Anytime there's a lull in the conversation, you need only mention the state Department of Transportation or Internal Revenue Service or Adirondack Park Agency or anything government-connected, and you can bet ...

Deep hearts and gentle people

One of life's supreme ironies is while we all think we're the most intelligent animal, still we barely understand each other.I should amend that to we barely understand each other before the fact.A perfect example is the nameless, faceless work-a-day nobody who no one takes special notice of - ...

The stirring saga of Deadeye Dope

Like a lot of country kids, I had an early introduction to firearms. In the summer of '54, when I was 7 and my brother was 9, my father bought us a .22 rifle. Of course, the story went on from there. Specifically, we were taken to the Fish and Game Club on Saturday nights, where we were part of ...

On (and off) the beach

A word I've always been intrigued by is "nepotism," perhaps because of its etymology. It comes from the Italian word "nipote," which means "nephew," and it means to give privileges to your relatives.Maybe the reason I'm intrigued by it is because I'm living proof of it, literally: I had a ...

The service there’s nothing civil about

At the end of my second semester in college, the administration showed more sense than I had all year by telling me to take some time off from academe -?like a decade or two.All right, I will, I thought. And I'll do it in the Center of the Universe - New Yawk City.Why there?Simple. I had a ...

Olga who?

I've never been a political animal, mostly because I hate arguments, which politics seems to mostly, if not entirely, consist of.But while I've missed the tsouris of political controversies, I've also missed its drama and thrills.For example, by not going to last week's village board meeting, I ...

The con in connoisseurship

Whenever I walk the streets of My Home Town, it's Two-for-One Day ... just not in the typical sense.Simply put, almost every business I see reminds me of the business that was there before.I see I.B. Hunt's insurance, and I think of the Edicott-Johnson shoestore. Or the Waterhole reminds me of ...

Expert-tease

America has clearly become a nation of experts.Radio, TV, internet, newspapers, magazines - you name it and it's rife with authorities, sharing their latest revelations as well as their timeless truths.There are experts on health, wealth, children, old folks, cats, dogs, government and ...