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The Inseide Dope, by Bob Seidenstein

Doggie don’ts … and doos

I have no knowledge of medicine, but I can give you the best medical advice you’ll ever hear. It is this: If you have a medical issue — any medical issue — do not, under any circumstances, look it up on the internet. I’m sure there’s good medical advice on the net. But I’m also ...

No laughing matter

Child prodigies is a redundancy, since what makes them prodigies in the first place is their brilliance manifests in early childhood. One of the best known is Picasso, whose first word was “pencil” and whose first painting was at 9. Another was Mozart, who could play songs on the ...

Committed!

A facetious definition of a camel is “a horse put together by a committee.” It’s also something I find offensive, because camels — unlike committees — perform a useful function. I’ll admit my experience with committees lacks breadth, but it more than makes up for it with depth: ...

Puppy lover … and peptic loser

Last Tuesday dawned bright and early ... more or less. How, you might ask, can it be more or less bright and early? Simple: I woke up early, at the ghastly hour of 0630. But as for bright? It was a morning like all the others in November — scattered patches of scuzzy snow on the ground ...

The long and short of it

I grew up in the Stone Age of Research. It was before you could look up anything on your laptop whilst sittin’ in an uber-hip cafe, sippin’ your decaf macchiato with hints of sugar-free caramel and soy milk, researching was a lengthy, tedious and too-often fruitless process. Because your ...

Optical contusions

They say the eyes are the mirror of the soul, and for all I know, that’s true. But in my case, they’re something else, namely a pain in the prat. Actually, my eyes are as fine as any 76 year-old’s can be. I have a cataract in both eyes, but they’re so tiny they don’t affect my ...